When the System Fails Sexual Assault Survivors with Danielle Pyle I Ep. 131

Welcome And Why This Story Matters

SPEAKER_02 0:27

Hi Warriors, welcome to Beyond the Statistics formerly one in three. I'm your host, Ingrid. Some stories leave a lasting mark on your heart long after the conversation ends. Danielle's is one of them. In this episode, Danielle shares her journey as a sexual assault survivor, a journey marked by profound trauma, extraordinary resilience, and the courage to keep moving forward when everything could have stopped her. She opens up about what happened, the years that followed, and how she transformed one of the darkest moments of her life into a mission to advocate for survivors and create change. This is Danielle's story. Danielle, thank you so much for joining me and welcome to Beyond the Statistics.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_02 1:20

I am very, very, very excited to get into what we're about to talk about. But before we do, could you just share a little bit about yourself?

SPEAKER_00 1:29

Sure. So my name is Danielle Pyle, and I am from Franklin, Tennessee. Um and I am just a normal gal with uh, you know, a little fluffy dog that I'm obsessed with and is my whole world. I am a survivor, I'm an advocate, and this has become my new passion and my new world. So I'm happy to be here.

SPEAKER_02 2:02

And I'm glad this is your passion because you are a force to be reckoned with in this. Um, what kind of job do you have?

SPEAKER_00 2:11

He's a schnoodle, so he's half schnauzer, half poodle, and his name is Walt. And he is not here because he would interrupt this entire thing. So he's away.

SPEAKER_02 2:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:25

But he's the cutest.

SPEAKER_02 2:26

I have three dogs. I don't know if any of them, I think I'm sure there some of them have voiced a little bit of nonsense on some of these episodes. But yeah, that they're in their room. Um, that has that's a lot of personality though.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Oh, he is one of a kind.

unknown 2:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:46

Okay. I guess we're not here to talk about dogs, but uh, you and I had met in Nashville just a few weeks ago, or maybe I guess about a month ago.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:56

Going on about a month ago. And you have an incredible, honestly incredible story. So I'm going to, I won't leave you hanging, but if you want to go ahead and just start talking about what happened and let us know what what you did with it.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

Sure. So uh where to start? To backdate my story. Um, I was sexually assaulted in April of 2021. And throughout my story, the timeline is so important to pay attention to. Um, my assault was something I never saw

The Night Of The Assault

SPEAKER_00 3:41

coming. It was someone that I didn't know. And ultimately, my case fell through the cracks at the police department. And so, as I'm going through that, the timeline is something to really pay attention to. So, you know, one night I went out with some friends from my neighborhood. It was one of their birthdays, and so she had a bunch of people from all different places of her life come together to hang out. And we ended up in midtown in Nashville. And it had been a fun night. Uh, I wasn't really drinking, I don't really drink a lot, uh, period. I just I sure had my days in college, but as I've grown older, um, I'm a little more responsible. Yeah, I'm a little more responsible these days. And I was driving everybody. We, like I said, we ended up in Midtown. Um, this this guy was there. I briefly was introduced to him. We may have talked for about 30 seconds over rival colleges, nothing super deep. And at some point, it was it was time to come home. Uh, we live in West Nashville, so I drove some people back to our neighborhood, and this guy lives in Brentwood, which is about 25 minutes south of downtown. And I'm west. So instead of him deciding to go back to his house in south of Nashville, he decides to come west and come to our neighborhood. And at the time I didn't think anything of it because I just thought like maybe they're continuing the party at one of their houses, no big deal. And I found myself at my neighbor's house, just kind of wrapping up the evening. I think I went to the bathroom and I was like, okay, it's like I realized it was way too late and it was time to go home. So I just mentioned I'm going home for the night, and this guy said, Oh, I'll walk you home. And I didn't think anything of it. We're raised as southern women to accept chivalry. You know, we hope it's not dead. And so there's a I don't even think I thought twice about it, right? Yeah, even though now that I think about it, we're just two doors down, and it was a short walk, but nonetheless, he walks me home. I open my front door, and I remember coming inside, him saying something about like he liked the decor of my house. And then I essentially black out. Like, I don't remember really what happened between him saying that, and then I literally felt like I came to, like I regained consciousness in the middle of my assault. And I remember just being like, uh, this can't be real life, and also feeling, you know, I felt really drunk all of a sudden, and you know, I'm in my bedroom in my house, and uh this is not a small man. I mean, this is an ex-NFL player. He was, I think he's six, six, three, hundred something pounds. I mean, he is he's a he's a large man. And I don't, you know, not to be too graphic, but he was behind me. And so in that moment, I'm thinking there's no like I I I am not in a position to fight back. I'm also not in the position to fight this 6'5, 300 something pound man either.

SPEAKER_02 7:36

Right. Like even if you saw him coming, nothing you could do. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

I mean, nothing I could do. And in that moment, I think everything was telling me to just survive what was happening. I remember I had on my Apple Watch at the time, and I was trying to dial my neighbor, and I kept hitting my watch, and it wouldn't, it wouldn't call, but I was trying to text. And nothing, I was just trying to send SOS. That's all I could try to get out, but it wouldn't, you know, like I'm in the middle of this, it's not making sense. And he says, you know, what are you doing? Or are something something to that effect. It's still all a little fuzzy, but I remember most of it. And I said, Oh, nothing, just trying to take my watch off. And so I just took it off and like threw it. And this concludes. He stands up. I I get up and he's acting like this was no big deal. Like he's very nonchalant about the whole thing, and I'm internally broken, freaking out about what just happened. And I stand up and I'm I go to grab my clothes, and his phone is laying face up on my dresser, and the camera's open.

SPEAKER_03 9:05

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 9:06

And I said, Did did you did you just record that? And he said, No, no, no, no, no. Like, like I just pulled my phone up out of my pocket and it landed like that. And I remember going, Are you sure? Like, just tell me. And he was like, No, no, no, no, I would never do that. And I I just got him out of the house as fast as I could. I mean, it was the most hurried, whatever you need to know. Like, he asked for my phone number. I gave it to him. I I mean, it doesn't mean it knows where I live. I just wanted him out of the house. I remember locking my door, coming back upstairs, and just like sobbing on the bed. Like, what just happened? And then I'm playing everything through my mind quickly of like, did I give him some sort of signal that that's what I wanted, or d did he think I was attracted to him? All these thoughts just roll through your head. And I remember calling my best friend who obviously didn't pick up. It was like 1:30 in the morning, and I just left him a sobbing voicemail of like, I need you to call me back, I need you to call me back. And I remember just getting in the shower and just I mean, it was an ice cold shower, but I didn't care. Like, I didn't have the strength to turn the lever any harder. I mean, I just got in, I sat down and I sobbed. And I remember just sitting in my bed, sort of rocking back and forth, just like trying to self-soothe a little bit until I could go to sleep. And still playing the question of like, did he think that I was trying to have sex with? I mean, still playing that whole, like, is this my fault? Yeah. Right. And I remember, I start to remember pieces. So I remember at some point he asked me if I'm drunk. And I remember, I don't know about you, but like when I'm drunk and somebody asks me if I'm drunk, I'm always like, no, no, no, no, I'm not drunk. Um, but I remember saying, like, I mean, I'm drunk, but I'm not that drunk, but I'm a little drunk. And then I was like, so this isn't my fault, I know this isn't my fault. You know, the next day my friend calls me back and he's like rushes over, and you know, I tell him the whole thing. And he said, You know, this isn't your fault. And I said, I don't know. I don't know that it isn't my fault. And he said, Thank goodness he's a like licensed psychologist. He was like, This is not your fault. And now it is your turn to decide what you want to do. And I said, I just gotta think about it. I I don't want to tell anybody, I was so ashamed. I didn't even want to tell my friends that I was with the night before. And so I just sat on it. And I remember, you know, I had to wake up the next day, dress up, and go to a friend's 40th birthday party. And I, I mean, I was a shell of a human at that point. Like, I remember someone being like, You're not yourself, like what's wrong? And I was like, just tired, and I got in and out of there as fast as I could. And Monday came and and I remember just going through the motions, and then I think it was Tuesday. I woke up and I was like, I can't do this, like, I can't. This was not me. This is not my decision. This is so messed up. And I told a friend that was with me that night, and she said, What do you want to do? And I just said, I think I need to call the cops. And so I called the cops, they came to my house. Um, important to note for me that they sent three large male

Reporting And The Forensic Exam

SPEAKER_00 13:20

cops to my house to take my statement. And I try to be gentle with sort of how I critique law enforcement because I am very thankful for them and I respect them a lot. But there is a lot about trauma-informed care that they're they just don't know about, they're not trained on. It's not part of the academy training. And I know it's just depends like who's on call that day and what shift they have. And however, that should have not happened.

SPEAKER_02 13:54

No, and they they knew why you were asking them to come.

SPEAKER_00 13:58

Yeah, like I I called the non-emergency line. I was very calm, which I I usually get very calm in a crisis, but I was like, you know, I just I want to report a sexual assault. Can you send officers to my house? I said this was the day before yesterday. Um, I'm not in any danger, but I do want to make a formal police report. And so they sent the guys to my house. Uh, I remember giving them my whole statement. They asked, pretty much asked me to tell it probably four or five times. They walk through my house, they come upstairs, they say, you know, do you have the clothes that you were wearing? Have you washed them? And I said, No, they're in my laundry hamper. And so I bagged those for them. And I said, Oh, by the way, he left a condom in my trash can. And the police officer was like, I could see his mind working, which now I'm just so annoyed with because I know what he was thinking. Uh, and he he said, His condom is in your trash can. And I said, Yeah. And I didn't know what to do with it, so I just left it there until you came. And he said, But you know who your assailant was. And I said, Yes. And he said, Okay, we're not gonna worry about it. Just like a red flag. I I just can't even, I just but it's evidence, right? It is evidence, it had his DNA on it. Yeah, all this man has to say is I wasn't there, I didn't do this.

SPEAKER_03 15:32

It wasn't me, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:33

It wasn't me. Granted, he walked into my house with a ring doorbell, and you know, friends end up saying that he did try to walk me home and whatever. But I was just like, God, this feels wrong. Like I almost took it and put it in a Ziploc bag and put it in the freezer as we were leaving because I was I just knew in my head that this was weird that they didn't take it. And they said, Well, do you want to go do a rape kit? And I mean, it kind of put me in like stopped me in my tracks, going, Oh, this is getting really real. And I said, Yeah, I I think I do. And they said, Well, we'll take you. So an officer drove me to the sexual assault center's safe clinic, and it's a sexual assault forensic exam, but they call it the safe clinic. And never heard of the sexual assault center until I had to know about it. And I get there, I'm I mean, you think about all these things as you're on the way over there, like, God, I wish I could call my mom, or you know, I had was recently divorced, and I just kept thinking, like, I just need to call him and tell him where I am, or something like that. And I will say the officer that ended up driving me there on the way said, I just want you to know what you're doing is very brave. And I commend you for what you're about to go through. And I didn't know what he meant, but then, you know, I get there, and the clinic nurse is like, all right, we need you to, you know, undress. We've got to take pictures, and you know, we want to swab for SCDs and give you some medicine just in case. I mean, it is a very invasive time. Uh they sent the actual detective over, who was so gracious and gentle, and I could tell he had done this for a while and was very much on the side of the victim. I didn't feel ever like he was questioning if I was telling the truth or not, which quickly became my reality of like people thinking I I just made this up. And he questioned me for a little bit and he said, you know, I'm gonna need, you know, the the videos of him coming into your house. I'm gonna need your friends' numbers. I'm gonna have to, you know, do my part to investigate this. And I said, Well, I have his phone number if you want it. And he took it. He said, Okay, I'm gonna go do my investigation. It should take three or four days, and then I want to meet with you down at my office in a couple days to hear more about what I discovered. So, okay. About a week later, I go to his office and he said, So I talked to all your friends, they kind of verified just the sequence of events. Um and I called this guy, and I told him why I was calling him, and he quickly said, That was consensual, that was consensual, like we had consensual sex. And you know, I think the detective could see

The Recording And Consent Loopholes

SPEAKER_00 19:00

my face. I was like getting really angry. Like I just immediately had this like rage. And I said, you know what? I swear he recorded this whole thing. And he said, Well, it's interesting that you said that. And I said, Why? And he said, He did. He audio recorded the entire event.

SPEAKER_02 19:26

Did he tell them that?

SPEAKER_00 19:28

And I said, What? And he said, he told me that he recorded the entire thing on audio, and that he would come down and that he would come down here, play it for me, and that his attorney had told him to do that. To that that it was okay to share it. And I looked at this guy and I was like, that's gotta be illegal. Like, not I have no consent in my own assault, like twice, right? And the detective was like, Unfortunately, we're a one-party consent state when it comes to audio recordings, and it doesn't really matter. Like, he gave the one-party consent to the recording, and there's no video attached to it whatsoever. Um, but that's what he brought in. And I was like, Okay, we're going to war. Like, I'm gearing up to like I I mean my friends know me. Like, when I say I'm big mad, like they're like, somebody watch out, like something's going down. I'm gonna take note. Yeah. And I just looked at him and I said, Absolutely not, like there's no way. And I looked at him and I said, Did you just say that his attorney told him to come hand this to you? And he said, Yeah. I think someone in his career has probably coached him to get consent via audio. And I just looked at him, I said, You know how messed up that is?

SPEAKER_02 21:18

And he said, Yeah, and I said, he's getting coached how to get away with us.

SPEAKER_00 21:22

Yeah, I mean, he's a professional football football player, right? Like I can imagine this is the however many times he's done it, he's done it. I'm not the first, and I guarantee I wasn't I won't be the last. Um just in general, just in professional sports, period, like that that experience of realizing that a coach, a teammate, an attorney, an agent, someone in his life told him he needed to be really careful and get consent recorded at some point. And so that's what he was doing when he asked me if I was drunk.

SPEAKER_03 22:05

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 22:06

Yeah. And there's like a, you know, I've I've I made them play it for me uh uh about two years ago because I was convinced that I told him to stop during this. And I did at one point, you can't really hear it, um, but things very clearly started. Shift in the audio recording where it's very obvious what's happening. And that was him getting my consent, was saying, Are you drunk? Are you comfortable? How uh and then it happened. And like it's mind-blowing to me that that is a behavior that is taught.

SPEAKER_02 22:53

That there, because how many, oh my gosh, I am my mind is reeling right now with college ball. It probably starts in freaking high school, high school, college, professional, like you said, not just football.

SPEAKER_00 23:08

And look, at the same time, I have a brother. Obviously, that's the number one thing I think we need to be talking about. But I would never in a million years think to tell someone you should record what happens.

SPEAKER_01 23:36

No.

SPEAKER_00 23:37

I would say if you're in a situation where someone has been drinking, don't even think about it.

SPEAKER_02 23:43

That's actually, I just had my boys are middle school aged. So I just had a sex talk with him. And most of the talk revolved around consent. And I said, no means no, obviously. Drunk or drinking means no, drugs mean no. Unconscious means no. Yes, and then no means no. Like, yeah, that's what I was bringing home.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

That's that's exactly that. Like, yes can turn into a no, and then it has to stop.

SPEAKER_03 24:17

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 24:19

And the fact that this, like, I just could not, I cannot still get over it. It makes me want to just like I've wanted to start a really large campaign in professional sports about consent, about respecting sexual partners, whether they're your girlfriend or someone you met in a club, your your spouse, like there's so much to take away from this that is needs to be reversed in these men's mind. And quite frankly, it needs to be taught by other men.

SPEAKER_02 24:58

Completely agree. I completely agree.

SPEAKER_00 25:00

I can say it until I'm blue in the face, but they're like, it's not going to be a good one.

SPEAKER_02 25:04

Yeah, they're gonna dismiss you.

SPEAKER_00 25:06

Yeah, so this this whole thing happens. Uh this investigation wraps up. It probably takes about a month total for him to get everything together. And he called me at the beginning of June and said, All right, I've put your case together. I'm gonna send it to the DA's office. They have to review everything. You'll probably get a call from them, and then they'll decide whether they want to prosecute. And I said, decide.

SPEAKER_03 25:38

Right.

SPEAKER_00 25:39

And he was like, Yeah, they actually sort of have the power to decide if they want to press criminal charges. And I said, Well, but but I want to press charges. Like, that's a whole reason I'm here.

SPEAKER_02 25:55

Well, we right, because they ask you, right? Do you want to press charges? The answer is yes.

SPEAKER_00 26:01

Like every charge you can think of, lay it on this man. And so he's again, sexual assault is in April of 21. This happens in June of 21. I pretty much was ghosted by MMPD, the Nashville District Attorney's Office. And I never heard anything from either office until June of the following year of 2022.

SPEAKER_02 26:39

So you were sitting for a full year waiting to hear.

unknown 26:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:42

And nothing.

A Lost Case And No Charges

SPEAKER_00 26:43

And don't get me wrong. I mean, there were times when I was like, you know, I wonder where they are in this in this process, but it's like, oh, well, they'll contact me. It's the police. Like, they've got a million other cases to work, and the DA's office is busy, but they're gonna get back to me, you know. Never never thinking or even really knowing that I could have picked up the phone at any time and and called. But again, not my fault. That's not that's not on me. No. And so he calls me in June and he said, Miss Pyle, I'm so sorry. Um, you're, you know, I went on vacation for a little while. And I knew he was taking like a couple months off in the middle of this because he had warned me about that. But he said, your file, I think, got misplaced and lost like on a desk, and we're just now getting to call you to tell you what the DA's office wants to do. And I said, You realize it's been over a year. And he said, Yeah, and I'm really sorry to tell you that the district attorney's office decided they're not gonna move forward with charges. And I said, absolutely not. And he said, I'm even sorrier to tell you that we did get this information back in September.

SPEAKER_03 28:07

What?

SPEAKER_00 28:08

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So sent to the DA's office in June. DA made their ruling in September. I didn't find out until the following June, which is 14 months after my assault.

SPEAKER_02 28:24

That is so unacceptable. So it sat at the police the police department lost it, like when it came back?

SPEAKER_00 28:31

Yeah, I guess it just sat there and no one picked up the phone. And I said, this is unbelievable. Like, surely I have an option here. Because like this guy's not gonna get away with this. Absolutely not. Like, if I've learned anything in this life, it is that you know, the bad guys were supposed to go away and be punished for their crimes, right? And he said, Well, you know, you could always sue him in in civil court for damages. And I was like, Yeah, right on. What do I need to do? And he's like, Well, and he had like pay pauses. You could tell he was speaking and then just took a pause and said, Um, now that I think about it, I think the statute on that was a year from the date of the assault.

SPEAKER_02 29:29

Once.

SPEAKER_00 29:30

And I said, Repeat that for me. And he said it again, and I said, So you're telling me I have zero options for this man to pay for what he did to me. Zero. Because you guys took too long, and somebody else decides they don't want to do the hard work. And he said, I'm so sorry. And I just said, I I got it, like, I'm I was like shaking, I was mad, I was at work. Um yeah, I was so mad. I I took his phone call from a conference room at work, and as he tells me this, like I I just hung up and I just remember like my hands are shaking and I'm sweating. I'm like super, super angry. And then remind myself, like, oh yeah, you gotta hold it all together because you're the on the senior leadership team for this office, and you gotta walk back out of this door and pretend that your day is just as normal as it. Like, my thing when I get to work, my motto was like, the moment you hit the office, your personal life goes away, and we are professionals.

unknown 30:46

Right.

SPEAKER_00 30:46

And I pre- I preach that hard. And so to have to like pull myself together and then walk out of a conference room and pretend that everything is cool for the rest of the day was one of the hardest moments in this experience.

SPEAKER_02 31:04

I can't imagine the the massive disappointment, the anger. Why is that not something that they disclose right away when they know that you want to press criminal charges? Why isn't that something that they say there's also civil in case this doesn't like that? Should just be something they disclose.

SPEAKER_00 31:26

Girlfriend, I could not be I I'm so glad you asked that question. Uh they're supposed to. Yeah. Oh my God, what? Yeah. So when your case goes to the district attorney's office, you were supposed to get assigned a victim advocate. So the district's attorney district attorney's office should have had what they call a victim advocate in their office, which I I don't think this, I don't think they are, you know, um, they're not an attorney, but there's someone on their staff that is there to be the liaison between the DA's office and the and the victim. And they're supposed to be the ones that keep you updated, that really lay out your options and tell you where you are in the process. Never got a phone call, never got an email. Apparently, they're supposed to write you a letter saying that they're not going to move forward with charges. I've never gotten a written letter from the DA's office. I've never, to this day, other than me questioning our district attorney in some large rooms with a lot of people. I've never talked to the DA's office. With it with this with this specific DA, like our actual TA.

SPEAKER_02 32:40

So both both places drop the ball then.

SPEAKER_00 32:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:47

Yeah. How often does that happen? I but oh my gosh, I don't even want to think about this.

SPEAKER_00 32:53

Uh yeah, I mean, at this point, you I always what I got really frustrated with, well my gosh, like, and and I say this with humility, but like I'm well educated, I'm well resourced. I worked at a public and government relations firm that dealt with the legislature and MMPD and the city every single day. And I didn't know this was the way things went. I also didn't tell anybody because I didn't want anybody to know. And I I just how is someone who is already maybe being questioned by the police of being of telling the truth or not, which happens more than we want to admit, right, who is from a low-income family or lives in a highly populated area of poverty and their low economic society, like just so many barriers to actually understanding the legal processes that we have. And so I always think like, well, if I couldn't figure it out, then how is someone who doesn't have the resources and the and the family and the friends around them, how are they gonna know? And then I just was in a whole new state of rage. And at the same time, I felt like I had to accept what it was. I still didn't want to tell my parents. I think the only people that knew what had happened were my friend that I called and my friend that I was with that night. And unfortunately, like I remember leaving the the day I met with the detective and found out that he had recorded it. Um, I had to run an errand after to drop something off to my ex-husband. And he, I mean, you know, we were together for eight years, and he knows me better than anyone, probably still to this day. But he said, What's wrong with you? And I was like, nothing. It's just like I'm just having a bad day. And he said, What's wrong with you? And then I just like, I mean, sobbed and was like, this is what happened. And then I could immediately tell, like, it was a very amicable split, but that protection from him was very much still there. Like he, I remember like the anger in his voice at what had happened. And uh I mean I'll never forget that because I know as as long as I live, like, should something terrible happen, I know I can pick up the phone and call him. But, you know, it he was still my only safe space in this moment. And um it just meant a lot. But I still felt, and you know, he was you gotta tell your dad, your dad's gonna, you know, your dad's gonna kill him. And I said it quite frankly, you're exactly right, and that's why I haven't told my dad. Like, my dad lives here, this man lives, I think I've I think I've googled it before. They live less than 10 miles apart.

SPEAKER_03 36:27

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 36:29

And I do really think that if he ever found out who it was, this something would happen to this person, which like he, you know, in my opinion, deserves it, but it would cost me my dad, and I'm not willing to do that. So um, yeah, I just I just learned to live with it, and it'd be part of my story, and just you know, I I remember I immediately told my therapist uh we were in we were very close, and he had I've been seeing him for a few years, and I remember telling him and and him really helping me process what had happened about a year, that was June. I started dating a guy in September and in February, late January, he ended up um taking his own life, and I remember thinking like life is too short. He was actually um about 18 months before I met him, I had this other boyfriend that I just adored,

Grief Piles Up And Healing Begins

SPEAKER_00 37:47

and it was a COVID romance, and you know, I just thought he was the cutest ever. And he had been clean and sober for seven years, and during the pandemic, his mental health just took a turn and he overdosed and passed away. And so it was like I had I had, you know, really this culmination of really shitty things happening back to back. Like I had a miscarriage, I got divorced, I fall in love with this guy, he accidentally overdoses because it was laced with something. I gotta pick myself up of four from January of that happening, April, this assault happens. I meet someone new, they ended up taking their own life in January of 22. It's just like the hits just like kept on coming. That's and there was a time after all of that, like after this um this boyfriend had taken his own life that I really I think it was a point where I was really like, I'm not allowed to be by myself, and I wasn't. Like my friends after he passed um were on shifts, like babysitting shifts. It got really dark for a lot of reasons, but I think the one the one thing that made me the most angry about everything else was that I had no control over it. And I had no control over what the the assault was, but I was just so angry that I should have had the power to hold this person accountable. Like that should be my like that should be my right. Yeah, I agree completely, and it was just completely stolen. I mean, it's just you know, I I went away, shout out to on-site workshops in West Tennessee because they quite frankly saved my life and turned it around. And um, but when I came back, I just thought, okay, like we're just going to heal from all of the bullshit, and we're gonna just focus on being positive and happy, and we're just gonna keep doing life. And about, you know, that was 2022, summer of 22, and I can't remember exactly it was, but it was it was right around the time, like me too had already happened, but there was a verdict about Harvey, Harvey Weinstein that had come out that he was either charges were dropped or he was found not guilty of charges. And I just remember reading that, like I think I was on Twitter or Instagram or something, and just feeling super defeated as a general victim of this type of crime, like thinking about all the people all over the world, you know, men, women, boys, girls who have been assaulted who never get closure and peace from a conviction. Because for me, I knew that if I got the conviction, that would help close my grief circle. Like I would finally feel like you know, the world was making it right in a way. And I had a friend that worked at the sexual assault center. She started a little after my assault happened, but I remember taking her to lunch and saying, I never told you the time, but I'm gonna tell you now what happened to me two years ago. And I just want to praise the sexual assault center and the safe clinic for helping me get through it. And she said, What can I do? And I said, I just want to talk about it. Like, I this is not okay. This whole Harvey Weinstein thing has me worked up. And she said, you know what? Why don't we do baby steps? Like it's a big thing to put your story out there. And I said, I'll be honest, I haven't told my parents. And she was like, uh, okay, step one, maybe you should tell your parents. And so I remember like driving home one day and being like, okay, like today's the day, I'm gonna tell my mom what happened. And so I told my mom what happened. There was no there, without a shadow of a doubt, she was like unacceptable. I and then it turned into like, oh my gosh, I wish you would have told me. But at the same time, it was like, oh, this is so horrible. Like, I hope you know this wasn't your fault. And and she even said, and I get it, they're of a different generation, but she even said, like, even if you had said yes, Danielle, and then you said no, this should have been the end of it. And I just remember thinking, okay, she really gets this. Like, it's not something I want to belabor with my mom and go into detail with, but like, I feel supported, and that's all I could have asked for. Now she wasn't thrilled that I was gonna go share my story on public radio, uh, but I knew I had to do it, and so she was supportive. Telling my dad was a whole different story. Um that was harder that took a lot of patience uh on my part because he didn't comprehend it at first. And my dad and I are extremely close. I mean, very, very close. And it took me a moment for me to go, oh, I don't know if he believes me. And it wasn't like uh you lied about this, like he wasn't he just didn't get it, I don't think at first.

SPEAKER_03 44:28

He probably didn't want to believe it from all that.

SPEAKER_00 44:30

And I think it's that. My dad is the most protective, loving, caring dad. I could not ask for a better dad. So don't misunderstand me when I am telling this, but I don't think he was a part of a generation that talked about this. That, you know, maybe he didn't want to admit after I tried to school him on some things like, you know, like, Dad, even if I said yes and then I said no, like this is still rape. And he was like, well, surely you had to have like, and I think it's because he didn't want to believe it, right? He was going, well, surely you had to have given him like a signal that you wanted to have sex. And I'm like, it's not, it's not what this is.

SPEAKER_02 45:24

You know, it's almost like it's it's easier to accept that you had some part of it, that it wasn't a complete loss of control on your end. That I think, especially as a like a dad to a daughter who they just want to protect you, no matter how old you are.

SPEAKER_00 45:47

Absolutely. And like my last six years of my life at the point of telling him this was absolute disaster. I'm trying to be really good and not swear on this podcast.

SPEAKER_02 46:00

Oh, do it. I mean, there there is some there's some start. There's the massive shit we talk about here. So this is it is fine.

SPEAKER_00 46:12

Um, you know, I it it took him a second. I think especially because the last six years of my life to that point was absolute shit show and was really devastating, and he had to see witness a lot of like breakage within me, quite frankly. And I just think it was one more thing to add to the pile, and that was the one thing like I don't think he ever saw coming and didn't want to ever see coming.

SPEAKER_03 46:46

Right.

SPEAKER_00 46:47

And so we just had to have some serious conversations. It wasn't long, didn't take long, but I said, Look, I'm gonna go tell the story. And I, you know, both my parents didn't really want me to. And I said, I love both of you. I respect the hell out of both of you, but this isn't your story to tell, it's mine. So I'm gonna like I've already made it my mind. And they were like, Well, when are you doing this? And I was like, Tomorrow, actually, tomorrow I'm going on the MPRs. Yeah, they were like, Well, where are you? Yeah, and I was like, Well, I'm getting on NPR, like WPL and um, this is Nashville or today in Nashville or whatever. And I said, uh quite frankly, I don't think either of you should listen to it. Um, but I just on the off chance that

Going Public And Facing The DA

SPEAKER_00 47:39

one of your friends hears it, I'm just telling you, it's out there.

SPEAKER_03 47:45

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 47:46

And so I went, I was there to tell my story. I did a whole podcast. I just said my first name at the time because it was really my first test of talking about it. And so I did about, I want to say like 30 minutes-ish of telling my story. And unbeknownst to me and unbeknownst to the girl behind me, uh, I did my set of questions, and then the brand new head of sex crimes for the DA's office had to go after me.

SPEAKER_03 48:21

Whoa.

SPEAKER_00 48:23

And they asked her every single detail about how this like how this happened.

SPEAKER_02 48:30

Oh my gosh. So she had no obviously she had no prep. And now she's no precious.

SPEAKER_00 48:37

And and poor girl, I felt I found out actually during the taping because I sat outside and one of her colleagues was there. And I said, I kind of feel bad. They're grilling this girl and woman. And I said, She hasn't had, she hasn't had been there for long, right? And she's like, they're like, no, she started like three months ago. And then I felt really bad because it was like this woman who had stepped up to the plate to take on sex crimes in the DA's office, which is probably one of the hardest jobs because the like the cases are awful, resources are limited, it is all you all the time. And she said as she was wrapping up, you know, I'm gonna take another look at her case. I'm gonna reopen it. I'm gonna go through all the evidence, all the facts all over again. And when I walk out of this room, I'm gonna connect with her and we're gonna take another look at it. And that meant the world because she didn't know me, she didn't know the story. You know, she didn't really sign up to be asked about it. I'm sure she thought she was just gonna be asked about how she handles cases in general. And so we became we bec we became familiar with each other. I don't want to say friends at this point because I was really skeptical. And she said, I'm gonna go through everything and then I want to meet with you in my office. And so I did. She said, I know you don't want to hear this, but I listened to your tape, and I don't have any hard evidence of you like saying no or stop or really fighting about it. And I was like, Yeah, have you ever been raped? And she just looked at me and I was like, Yeah, you just you know, I just like tried to live through it, like that's all I could do. Which, like, as an aside, women respond. I don't shouldn't lump it into women, but I'm going to women in general respond very differently to sexual assault. Like, there are some women who I mean, I'm just putting it out there, who have had an orgasm in an act of rape.

SPEAKER_02 50:55

Right. And that's still a rape.

SPEAKER_00 50:58

It's still a rape. Like a rape is a rape, is a rape. I don't know how more much more clear to make that. But I just she didn't she didn't get it quite yet that I was like serious about figuring this out. And so I said, I want to hear the tape. And she said, I don't think you want to do this. And I said, I nope, I'm gonna do it. I want to hear it. So she put me in a room by myself and then let me listen to it. It was the worst, however long it was. I don't even know. It's like a blackout of time for me. Um and I said, You can barely clearly, very clearly hear the the whole vibe of this recording change based on what I kind of came to. And she said, You and I can hear that, but if I put you on a stand with with other men and women, they might not hear the same thing. And I had to be, it is the worst part of my job, but I have to be honest with you, I'm not gonna put you on a stand when I don't think we can win the case. I said, Okay, well, I can't sue him civilly, so what what am I supposed to do? Yeah, and she kind of looked at me and she said, Well, I guess you could change the law. And I like bucked up and I was like, great, um, I'm gonna go do that and then I'll come back. And she was like, wait, really? And I was like, no, no, no. Like, I used to work in government relations, I know exactly how to pass a law, I know exactly how to find a lobbyist. Like, thank you. I'm gonna go change the law on suing someone in civil court. And she was like, I fully support you. Whatever you need, I'm here. And

Turning “Change The Law” Into A Plan

SPEAKER_00 52:58

so we became friends, and I really trusted her. She was a great supporter, but that's exactly what I did. Like, I left that day and I looked at my friend that works at the sexual assault center, and I said, I want to, this is what I want to do. I want to change the law. And she said, Well, you might have to wait until next session. And I said, That's fine, but come January 1st. Like, we're we're we're gonna do this. And she said, Absolutely. And so, new year of 24, I look her in the face and I said, So how are we doing this thing? And she said, Well, we have a lobbyist, we're gonna write your law, and what are you thinking? And I said, Well, I want to extend the statute of limitations for which you can sue your offender in civil court for sexual assault. And I said, We only have one year, but what do our sister cities have? What's normal? What's average? You know, it's it's sad that Tennessee had the shortest amount of time in all of the states that touch Tennessee.

SPEAKER_02 54:02

That's right. Like, well, in a one year. One year. I mean, just to comprehend what happened, you're losing time according to that statute. And just to just to get your shit together, like mentally, that you even there's a couple of things.

SPEAKER_00 54:23

I didn't know you could do criminal and civil at the same time that never never entered my mind. Um, if I was doing a criminal trial and they had decided to pursue criminal charges, there's no way in hell my my body, my mental capacity, my emotional stability could have handled doing two things at once.

SPEAKER_03 54:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:48

No way. One year is not enough time. It's not enough time. It's not enough time to heal, even if they don't press crim criminal charges in your you know, in your year of healing, like it's not it's not enough. It's not enough.

SPEAKER_02 55:05

Like one year from the assault, not even one year from where you started the like the pressing charges. One year from April.

SPEAKER_00 55:14

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 55:15

Ugh. That's not that's not enough time.

SPEAKER_00 55:19

It's not surrounding states have like 10 years, five years. Um yeah, it's some states have none.

SPEAKER_02 55:33

Oh, so it's just open.

SPEAKER_00 55:36

Yeah, I think there's I think there was I want to say there was like one who didn't have a statute. Because you know, there's not a statute of limitations on the criminal side, right?

SPEAKER_02 55:46

Right. So why would there shouldn't be.

SPEAKER_00 55:51

Yeah, really? There shouldn't be. Yeah. So she said, what do you want to do? And I said, well, quite frankly, I want it to be 10 years. Realistically, I want to ask for five. Yeah. And she said, I think five's pushing it, if I'm honest. Just knowing the legislature, she's you know, she's been up there, she's they tried to pass it before a couple years ago with a different story.

SPEAKER_02 56:20

And what is their reason to say no? Just out of curiosity. Like, why would why what would be the valid reason to say no, other than, well, we need to look out for our buddies?

SPEAKER_00 56:34

Yeah, great question.

SPEAKER_03 56:36

Hmm. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 56:37

So I said, yeah, I want to ask for five years, and so we settled on asking for three to five years. It's it's five years if you file a police report at the time of the assault. It is three years if you never filed a report. So that process was wild. Uh we're sure. You know, I'm not really intimidated by much, if anything, really. Uh it's just not how I was raised. And I remember telling my parents, like, I'm gonna go do this, and it's gonna have my name all over it, and I'm gonna be all over the news. And I just need you to like it's happening. So, however, you need to process that, go find your therapist, your your pastor in your church, like whatever you need to do, buckle.

SPEAKER_02 57:36

This is happening.

SPEAKER_00 57:38

And I remember my mom going, of course she would. Like, in a good way, like I love that response though, yes, yeah, because it's so funny. When I was little, this is what she says that when I was little and I was in preschool, I used to get in trouble all the time in preschool. And my mom would come to the preschool to pick me up after work, and she would her first stop was the principal's office, because that's usually where I would end up. And I remember my mom telling me the story when I was like in high school and then again in college, and you know, before all of this happened, I remember asking her again, and she said, Well, you, I remember you like I think I slapped a kid. I do not condone violence, I'm not saying that, but I had like pinched or slapped a kid, and when the principal asked me why I did it, I said, Well, she needed it. And she was like trying, she's a friend of the family. She was like trying not to laugh at me. And she looked at my mom and she said, to be quite honest, she did need it. Like Danielle is the bully's bully. Like, if she sees somebody picking on somebody else, she's gonna go take care of it. Like the vigilante. Yes, exactly. She was like, she's just she's trying to stand up for what's right, but the way she's trying to handle it is not correct, right? And she said, but don't ever put out her fire, ever. And my mom just kind of laughed and she was like, I won't. And so my mom in this moment is like, this is why I never put out your fire. Like, you like this is what you're meant to go do out of this situation. And I was like, Mom, it's not even like this isn't gonna be retroactive. I'm not gonna be able to sue this man civilly after all of this, but I'll refuse to let any victim ever feel that helpless ever again. Ever. It's not about me, it's about healing. And that's a really hard thing to do. Like, imagine if this was a family member or your spouse. And then it can be someone you've never met before, like it was for me, but we all deserve to heal. And so, you know, we marched up the hill and met with all the Republican attorneys on the on the civil committee, and that was fun.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:26

I can't. I can't. I can't even imagine.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:30

Yeah, I had um I had one guy tell me that I should have been armed. Still,

Inside The Capitol And Victim Blame

SPEAKER_00 1:00:39

still a house representative, in case any of you were wondering. He still he still sits up there. Um, yeah, he said you should I wish you would have been armed. And I said, so let's talk about that. I was like knocked out, blackout drawn, like inebriated, really. Like whether he put something in my drink has always been a question. I don't know, but like how would it how would you have thought that I, who is like unconscious for a moment, goes to where my gun is safely stored in my home, gets it out, and then uses it while intoxicated.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:24

Because that's against the law, too.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:26

Sure. Also, I live in a townhouse, so that could go through either wall and hit somebody else. And I was like, you know what? I do own a gun, actually, and it's safely stored. And I would love to know how you would get to your gun with a 350-pound man on your back. And I mean, he didn't want to think about that. That was just like, you know, mind mind-boggling to him. And I said, you know what? I got rid of that gun. And I I don't own a gun anymore. I don't want to own a gun ever again for different reasons. But there was no getting to that gun that night. And he said, Well, you know, man of three daughters, by the way. Three, three daughters.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:20

So are the are they just carrying every minute of their lives?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:24

Oh, I'm sure in grade school, because like they're not all they're not grown.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:27

Right. But you never know.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:29

Right. Like I bet one, I bet one's in elementary school, one's in middle, and one's in high school.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:35

Wait a way to put it back on the victim, by the way.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:38

Oh, no, get ready. So I I question him about the gun, and he goes, Well, you know, I think this is why we should teach abstinence in school. Yes, to do with anything. No, my friend uh from the Sexual Assault Center Lorraine, she goes, I don't know. I feel like we should be teaching talking about consent in schools. And he didn't like that either.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:06

Not raping. I mean, can that be something?

SPEAKER_00 1:03:09

Uh anything. And I just looked at him and I said, I really appreciate your time today. And I really hope that you'll support this bill. And he said, You got my full support. I said, Okay, thanks. I went to another guy who um I don't think he was like, I don't think he looked at me the whole time. I don't think he really heard what was happening. Um, he was certainly thinking about something else in his head when I was sitting in front of him. I had another one tell me that I asked for too much time, that I should start with two years. And then I was getting ready to go into one of the last meetings with one of the Republican attorneys. And I had everybody that I was with like stop me and say, I just want to prepare you to go into this room. He will not be kind to you. And this is one of the reasons we're doing this this year with you, is because we know you can handle it. But I'm just telling you, it's going to happen. Which, like, just I mean, like, we're just like, okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:28

Don't, don't tell me no.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:30

Yeah, I was like, don't tip me with a good time. So we get in there and we sit down, and he's like, uh the R lobbyist Heather tells him kind of what we're trying to do. And I said, I'd just like to share my story with you. And I mean, the minute I sat down, he was like, he was like all like, you know, just googly-eyed and ready to hear my story and listening to every word I had to say. And at the very end, I was like waiting for it, sort of like bracing for impact. And he said, I really want you to do your homework. I want you to think about a couple of things. He said, When you're presenting this to people who don't believe you, I want you to bring up the fact that if a neighbor's tree falls in your yard and messes up your house, that is property damage that has a statute of like six or ten years, or he threw out this larger number than one. He said, When someone doesn't perform a contract and they you want to sue them for breach of contract, I think you have six years to do that. When and he just started rattling off all of these things. And he said, But your uterus to the state right now is only giving you one year. He said, I think you need to put that into perspective for other people as you're telling your story. And I think everyone kind of like sat back a little bit because we anticipated this person coming with coming at us with so much like speculation and you know, playing the blame claim. Like we all kind of were prepared for that, and he opened up a whole new web of defense.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:22

And he was like bumps right now. Like this, I was not expecting you to say that.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:27

And I said, I really appreciate you giving us that information. And he said, Yeah, I think it's going to be really valuable. I think we use that in every single like news clip and every piece, everything we we told the story about that we mentioned, we weaved it in in some way. We get through subcommittee, committee on both sides, we go to the House floor, and there was two Republican attorneys who one put their head down on their desk and the other left the room and didn't vote that day. And the one that left the room to take a phone call, because I can fret at him. I made it all the way down the stairs right after the vote. As he was walking back in, I said, You missed your vote. He said, Oh, I got a phone call. I just had to take it. And I said, I hope you really think about that for a long time. And I hope to God your daughters never go through something like this. And it was the one that said, I wish you were armed. And the man that put his head down on the desk that day and just didn't vote was the man that gave me my defense for the entire story.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:48

What? I'm so confused.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:54

To me, I walk away from that, and I think he really is probably trying to do the right thing in his life. But he is clearly trusted or has been paid by someone who won't let him think for himself. And that's the very dangerous part of politics. And it was very obvious to me.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:19

And real, the real part of politics.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:22

Yeah. I mean, really, I'm I remember looking at him and he just put his head down like this and just hung his head at his desk until the vote was over, and then he picked his head back up. And I've never talked to him since. It's not worth it. Uh I don't agree with his politics that he votes for. I I wish, you know, he's running for Congress right now, and I hope he loses. But, you know, I just it made me go, wow. Like this is real life. These are real lives. And you're telling us the good stuff, and you're voting the other way.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:11

Yeah. And uh just to these are the people that are in power. The one the ones who listen to you tell the how many times did you have to tell your story over and over and over again for this?

SPEAKER_00 1:09:25

Uh can't count.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:29

And then he just puts his head down.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:33

Yeah. I think there was like one other one other member of the house that just wasn't there that day. So total there were three. But I remember thinking I expected this from one of you, but I didn't expect this from both of you. And the guy that said I should have been armed. His reason, like we did some backpedaling in our debrief. And it turns out that he didn't believe me. When I told I mentioned in, and I hadn't didn't mention it to anybody else, but I guess in our conversation, we were talking about uh how the police had responded to coming to my house and whatnot. And I mentioned that the condom was still in my trash can. And for him, that signaled like, well, it was obviously consensual because this man used a condom and then felt safe enough to throw it in your trash can. Lost cause. Lost cause. I'm never gonna change his mind. No one is ever gonna change his mind. There is nothing that I can do. I have to accept that. I don't have to like it, but I have to accept that. God forbid his daughters or his wife ever finds himself in this situation because he will not believe them. And he will sweep it under the rug. I have no doubt. No doubt.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:59

That is horrifying. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:02

Because one in three women are assaulted. And I think that number has changed to one in two.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:08

Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's part of the reason I changed the title of my podcast because the numbers are getting worse.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:17

Mm-hmm. So, good news is. Oh, yeah, that's you're leaving us hanging here, Danielle. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Uh good news is we passed Danielle's law on April 4th, 2024, and the governor signed it into effect on April 8th, 2024. It went into immediate effect. And now survivors have three to five years in civil court. I think my next mission in all of this is how do we let victims know? Yeah. So

Danielle’s Law Passes And What’s Next

SPEAKER_00 1:11:54

when this happens, when they go for their rape kit, they don't go for a raid kit. But maybe they need some victim resources or their local health clinic, they go to like get tested for STDs or whatever. How do they even how do they know about this change in the law? Who's responsible from the government to tell the victim services or what is it, the Office of Criminal Just O OJ C I don't know, OC OCJP or something like that. I don't know. That are that partner with all of the victim resource organizations across the state. How do they tell everyone about all of these updates every year?

SPEAKER_02 1:12:51

I wouldn't, to be honest, I wouldn't have even thought that there would have been a statute of limitations on this. Like I would have not thought, even with the extension, I would not have thought. And I bet I bet that would be used against a victim, too, of well, you waited this long anyway, so it must not have been that big of a deal. Or what are you trying to gain out of it now by coming forward? Just all the whatever. But it should be something, it should be in clinics. It should be like your OBGYN. You should, they should have this information up, your primary care providers, emergency rooms, planned parenthood offices, any kind of any kind of offices like that that are providing any kind of like gynecological or even just annual care.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:54

Yeah. Healthcare in general. I think um uh in in therapist office, in you know, in nurses' clinics in the schools, like I mean that would never happen because like God forbid we teach our children. No, we're teaching abstinence.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:16

We're teaching abstinence, we're not teaching about anything else. I have lived carrying guns.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:22

No, I mean I have lived in this state my almost my whole life. And I used to be a really, really, really, really, really proud to be here. And the older I get, the more that changes. And I've had trust me, I've had plenty of people say, well, if you don't like it here, you can move. Like, I could or we could do the right things and like help protect victims.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:46

And well, like right. I mean, why is that why is that the answer?

SPEAKER_00 1:14:50

Why is I saw this clip one time on Instagram and it says it was this woman explaining, um, I've been taught my whole life. Carrie Mace, don't walk to your car by yourself. Take a self-defense class. Um walk with your keys in between your hands on the way to your car at night. All of these things about how to protect myself from assault, knowing it's gonna happen. We are taught that at some point in our life, with all of these self-defense tactics, that we will be assaulted. So we're preparing our whole lives for that. We are taught to prepare for it. But no one's saying don't rape. No one is saying don't attack someone walking into their car at night. No one is saying women are scared to be in places with men at night when they don't know you. So do the right thing. Like, why are we being conditioned and prepared for all of these terrible things?

SPEAKER_02 1:16:11

And then we're not asking the abusers to not do the accountability is placed on the wrong side every time. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:26

That was disgusting.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:30

I still can't believe I mean it I got goosebumps thinking of the freaking tree falling on somebody's house, and you have six years? Yeah, I mean whatever crazy number it is.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:43

Don't quote me on any of that. I'm sure there's gonna be like some fact checkers out there that are gonna tell me I was. And Danielle said, Yeah, yeah, don't come for me. I'm just saying the the statutes are longer in those situations than they are for a woman's body. For any well, a victim's body. That's ridiculous. Yeah, it's it's it's scary. You know, I I like I said, I was married. I I have a stepdaughter who is now, you know, in about a month she'll be 23, and I think about her every single day. I don't talk to her as much as I used to. Um, and that's out of respect for for their family now, but um but I think about her every day.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:42

And I'm scared for her every day.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:45

You know. I don't want her to ever be in this situation ever. And there's nothing I can do about it. And that is the most helpless, normal parental feeling in the world to feel like you can't do anything when you're not your kids aren't in your house, you know? They grow up and they have to live their own lives. Right. But like I I not a day goes by that I don't think about her well-being.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:17

I my daughter is only nine, and I will when we get in the car, I was teaching, I mean, I wasn't teaching my boys too, but you get in the car, you lock the car immediately. As soon as the door is closed, lock the car. And they're like, Why? Like there are bad people. I have one of those bar things that you can put under your doorknob to the house. And my kids are like, What is this for? And I said, You I'm I'm a I'm a woman. I'm the adult in this house. So I'm not just responsible for myself, I'm also responsible for them. And I have no idea what's out there. And it's not we're not paranoid. I mean, I guess we're paranoid, but we're not I don't even think it's paranoid.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:01

I I think it's just we're we're trying to protect ourselves, right? We're just right.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:06

It's not, it's not this fake, over embellished fear that we have. This is legitimate things that actually happen. You're a real person. I'm a real person. Shitty things happened to us. And that that's the reality. People who are listening to this, shitty things have happened to them. And that's the reality. So I mean, you changed a law. You you changed a law, but there are so many laws, and look at what you had to get through to do it.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:41

Yeah, I mean, you know, uh when I I've done some speaking engagements, and this is the truth, but I kind of joke that, you know, I'm a I'm a massive Olivia Benson fan from Law and Order SVU. And and I'm and I'm I'm not making this up. When when I was in that 36-hour sway of do I report this, do I not? I ended up laughing about it in the moment because I was like, gosh, like Olivia Benson would be so mad at me if I didn't report what happened and if I didn't try to stand up for myself. And, you know, as silly as that sounds, like what a gift that we have watched Olivia Benson on our screens for 27 seasons, and her impact has trickled into the lives of the people that have watched the show.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:37

Like, well, in the same respect, what a gift that we have people like you who um didn't take no for an answer, didn't take, oh well, that's what I'm I have to deal with. And you did this because you know it's going to happen over and over and over again. And you know that there are people who aren't going to have the same resources. I mean, thank God the friend, the first friend you spoke to had the right responses. Thank God your parents had the right responses. So many times we know that people don't have those, and you you face those responses too, the negative ones, but oh yeah, the the people who were that you really, really needed to have the support, they were there. And I mean, it it's honestly Daniels, people like you that are making such a difference, and it's I just have goosebumps. I can't believe like I'm talking to you because I'm so in awe of like, oh, I'll go change a fucking law.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:46

You know, I uh I hate uh the attention. I hate uh, you know, I received an award earlier this year for this work, and um, it's like I don't really want it, you know what I mean? It's like you could talk about somebody else. Um and I got I really got it, I wasn't gonna say this on here, but I really gotta tell you something. I'm sitting in my bedroom right now as I'm telling my story about what has happened in this room, and it's really powerful. Like it feels really good. Yeah. Like it's, you know, it looks nothing like it did then because I I think about um like three months after one of my good friends says, uh, I think it's time to redecorate your bedroom. And I said, I mean, that's exactly what has to happen. And so it's completely different for a reason, and it did totally change the trauma that I felt when I walked into this room. But you know, sitting in here today, you know, looking around as I'm telling the story, um like the most fucked up story. I'm sitting in the place where it happened. But we can I mean the word survivor is a there's a reason for that. Like, you know, is my life perfect these days? No. Do I trust men? No. Do I want love and do I want to get married and have babies? Without a doubt. I wish for all of those things. I've had some very healthy relationships since this. But what a full circle moment for me to know that I'm healed in this space telling the story.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:51

That I have again chills. I've had chills through this whole thing, but that is probably one of the most kick-ass things, I think.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:02

Yeah. That I could hear right now. Yeah, I was, you know, just I was thinking about this earlier, like, where am I gonna do this in my house? And uh I thought, where where do I feel most safe? And it's the the juxtaposition of what has happened versus what does happen in this room is com is completely different. You know, this is this is a repurposed, repaired, reimagined space that I feel safe in. And that's quite frankly the metaphor that I live my life with. You know, I am a reimagined, redesigned person for a more positive life, you know?

SPEAKER_02 1:25:04

That's what I'm saying. And you're taking us along with you. I mean, that's that's what's so cool about it, too, is that you because of what you've done, you're you get to bring people into that world too.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:19

Yeah, so I I think the one thing that I continuously think about is am I doing enough? And I think that's probably just my personality in general. Um I'm a huge empathizer, and um and I really put people before me. That's my like an entire personality. Do I get space? Do I get alone time for myself? And do I do I take care of me? Not always, but I will protect my pack, that is for sure. Um but it's my purpose, and I have no doubt about that. And so I keep thinking, what's my next project? What am I gonna work on next? But I think between traveling and telling, you know, I told my story at the TBI one day, and one of their agents said the best thing you could ever do is travel the country visiting police academies, telling them about how they should approach a situation like this, how should they treat it as a crime scene and not as a rip incident response? Yeah. And like, yeah, all day long. I'll do that all day long. I mean, I gotta pay my bills somehow, but like all day long I would do that. All day long I would, you know, try to fight the good fight in athletics and professional sports. Of people of power. I mean, my gosh. Um, if I could get uh uh Olivia Benson to sponsor this tour.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:05

Okay, so if anyone's listening and they have a connection to Olivia Benson, let's go.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:09

I'm like Mariska, I really need you to be my best friend and bankroller of all my projects.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:18

You'll go on tour together.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:21

Listen, that's like a dream come true. If I ever met her, I don't know that I could speak. And I'm not like I used to work in the music business, so I laugh that like celebrities aren't cool to me because they're just real people. And um, but I don't know what I would do. That that and Barack Obama, I think I would just like stumble over my words. But yeah, I I that is the goal. I'm like, I I'm gonna meet her one day and we're gonna talk about all the good work we've done.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:53

Maybe, yeah. Somebody forward this this uh uh episode to her.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:59

I don't know who is somebody has to do it. Yeah, I'm gonna make sure to tag her a lot uh when this comes out.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:06

Yes, for sure. Okay, well, if people want to see what you're up to um or anything like that, do you have any links that you'd like to share?

SPEAKER_00 1:28:16

Come find me on Instagram. It's really the only place I exist on the internet other than LinkedIn. Um, but my Instagram is just at underscore Danielle Pyle. Just at underscore my whole my whole name, my whole being. Uh

Where To Follow And Final Words

SPEAKER_00 1:28:35

I love talking to people. I when my story came out, I had a lot of people message me about their experiences. And I think that's the beauty of being a survivor, is holding space for others as they share their experience. And yeah, or if you know Moriska Hargate and you want to drop me a line, just come find me. Let's be friends.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:05

We will track you down. Okay. Um, I know I've taken a lot of your time. So I guess in closing, do you have any words of wisdom or encouragement that you would like to leave?

SPEAKER_00 1:29:18

If you're a survivor, you matter. Your words matter, your life matters, your justice, your healing, it all matters. If you've been fortunate enough to not be on that journey, and you are an advocate, a supporter of us, of this terrible crime, keep being an advocate. If you're a man and you want to support women, talk to other men about how they support victims, how they treat women. And if you're none of those, I just hope you find healing in your own heart.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:09

Thank you so much, Danielle.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:11

Yeah. It's a pleasure. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:16

Thank you again, Danielle, for joining me today, and thank you, Warriors, for listening. You can find the links Danielle was referring to as well as her Beyond the Statistics profile in the show notes. I will be back next week with another episode for you. Until then, stay strong. And wherever you are in your journey, always remember you are not alone. To learn more, explore episode resources, browse the collections, or register as a guest, visit Beyondthesatistics Podcast.com. If today's episode meant something to you, please share it with someone who may need it. Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and follow Beyond the Statistics on social media. Beyond the Statistics is a.5 Panoy production. Music written and performed by Tim Crow.